Friday, March 03, 2006

Now What?!

this is a strange time for me. once jan. of this yr passed by, there was nothing on the calendar... nothing specific on the horizon.

we're done moving, unpacking, turning over the old apt., appealing my disability ins. claim, applying for ssd... i can't go back to any kind of job, we can't even begin trying for a baby until late this yr (dr's orders!)...

of course, there's the frequent dr's visits/follow ups, but, that doesn't count! (i'm a bit of a mess to date and have 3 dr's on board trying to figure out what's going on w/my immune system, or lack thereof as it seems to be!)

once feb. of this yr came, i was hit w/the question: now what?! and the terrifying thing was that i had no answer! and i still don't, but, at the moment i'm not as freaked out about it as i was!

i do have some things to occupy me: our new computer, being online, reading, painting the kitchen & bathroom if i can (got those colors picked out-no clue about the living room & bedrooms!), starting a garden from scratch & looking into my options for flowers, etc. because the area's i have here to garden are different than what i was used to at our old place (but here i get to have 2 seperate gardens instead of 1!), trying to focus long enough to write (a most impossible task to date!)...

maybe some of what i have to occupy myself with will help give me some direction as to what i want to do w/myself. i don't know if i've ever actually known what to do w/myself! but, if this is it, that's fine w/me. but, if there's something else, i'm open to discovering it.

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