Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Depression SUCKS!

roller coasters ain't got nothing on me & my weekend!

friday i realized that my daughter would've been starting second grade yesterday & i got a little bit down ~ did a lot of missing & wanting what could've been with getting her ready for school through the cozy, rainy indoor weekend. (see previous post entitled "missing what could've been.")

so i was pretty upset while we were trying to shop in shoprite on saturday ~ all the moms picking out school supplies with their kids ~ the kids getting all excited over the halloween decorations & candy ~ it all really made me just want to not have to go through any of this anymore. none of it. i felt like no matter what i do, nothing ever gets any better for me i just couldn't live through it anymore.

saturday night and sunday morning i figured out that if the catholic religion happens to be the "right" religion & i killed myself, i definately wouldn't have a chance of going to heaven to be with my daughter now and to wait for my husband there when his time finally came, so there went that idea!

sunday morning and afternoon i was very depressed (didn't want to get off the couch or out of bed) and ended up with a migrane. sunday night was ok.

monday was better (except when we went online and saw that we only had $55 until friday morning and my husband still had to get gas yesterday am and it usually costs $56 to fill the mountainier)...

yesterday i took it easy ~ today's been alright i guess! i still haven't kicked this sinus infection so on top of everything else, i feel like crap physically.


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