Friday, September 08, 2006

September 11th

i've dragged out the fall decorations ~ in previous years i've waited until the day after 9/11 to take down any of the summer patriotic stuff and will do so again this year.

it's a very small way for me to pay my own tribute to the day and all those lost, i know and unless you were family or friends, you wouldn't realize that's why i do it but i feel it's better to do something than do nothing.

i feel so connected to 9/11 and sometimes the survivor's guilt still overwhelms me.

i could've been on the 78th floor of wtc tower 2, the south tower, that morning.

for a very long time i felt i should've been and could not begin to understand how my life (the life i had up to 9/11 and even for nearly 3 years after) was worth more than any one of those who died who left husband's, wives and children. i felt they'd had the courage to do what i had back out on only 3 months earlier ~ work in manhattan in a high stakes career ~ how fair was it that i got rewarded for being a coward?!

i'd like to think that i would've left tower 2 immediately after the plane struck the first tower, that i wouldn't have gone back to my office like so many others did, but, i don't honestly know. even now when i watch the footage, i don't see how i would've made it out alive.

since meeting my husband in 05/04, i have become thankful for not being there and for being given the chance to live a better life than i was.

i still don't understand! watching all the documentaries still makes me wonder why. but, there must be a reason. i know there is! i need to remember that to help me through all the painful times when i feel like there's no use in any of this anymore. i need to remember that, in essence, i was given another chance and that i am so very lucky to have it because not everyone is given another chance.

we all need to watch and remember what happened on 9/11 because history repeats itself if we let it.

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