i started re-reading "the artists way" by julia cameron this past friday evening after having lunch that afternoon w/1 of my longtime best friends, "spirited singleton" where we discussed our very similiar writing struggles.
i don't know what made me search for the book after my husband had fallen asleep ~ i was wide awake and a bit bored! there wasn't much on tv and even if there was, i couldn't turn the sound up very loud since vic was asleep next to me and i couldn't watch tv in the living room since my sister-in-law was out there sleeping on the pull out or watching the game show network before going to sleep!
i remember noting in a sketch book @ 10:42pm that i had "that feeling" again ~ like i'm on the verge of something really good, even big ~ feeling inspired or creative or something".
then i started reading and i noted the following also: "ya know what i hate?! intro's to books! everyone i read makes me think the same thing: they should be at the end of the book! the same goes for acknowledgements!"
anyway, i've had "the artists way" since about 1995. i remember hearing about it during a college class i took entitled something like 'writing from the women's perspective' ~ one of the best classes i ever took! i fiddled with it sometime after the class but, i know i was trying to read it (again) in march of 1998 shortly after the breakup of a 3 year (bed) relationship. at that time, i was watching the travel channel in the living room, lying on my love seat sleeper sofa, seeing images of taos new mexico and writing down all of the info #'s given inside the front cover apparently in denial and planning a trip that my ex & i could go on.
pretty pathetic huh?! and it's not that i was devastated over actually not being with him anymore! it was a very physically & emotionally abusive and draining relationship. but, i didn't know how NOT to be a part of 'gardeningjo and dope-along' (a more polite nick name than he actually deserves). i didn't want to lose the home i had put my heart & soul into and loved so much in an area i loved so much. and then there was the fact that the person he cheated on me with was not just one of my friends but also one of our co-workers. the hurt & humiliation was something else! (how she walked around work so smug like she'd won a prize ~ made him quit our company to work for another where one of her friends suddenly transferred to shortly after... he'd beat her like he did me, treated her like crap like he did me, cheated on her with one of her friends like he did me... who was smug once that news got out?!)
ANYWAY... i never followed through with anything in the book in 1998. (can ya blame me?!) but, reading it (AGAIN) now, i've decided to take it on in full this time!
and i've told 'spirited singleton' about the book as well because many of the points that struck me were things we discussed at lunch this past friday! for example: not writing anything down on the page because you keep writing it in your head 1st until it sounds good to you ~ anything you write you're already re-writing before you get anywhere with it ~ re-reading things you've written and thinking it's just crap ~ wanting everything to come out perfect and be perfect right from the start ~ comparing what you write to already published authors and losing all confidence in any ability that you thought you had...
so, i'll do the book, in 12 wks (or perhaps less) and finish the 1st part of my horticulture course this week (so i can move onto the landscape desgin modules) and begin my interior design couse as well. i'm going to come up with a schedule of sorts to help me budget my time so that i can work on all 3 along with writing and reading and exercising, regardless of what else i do throughout the day & at what time i do it. part of my problem is that i lack discipline and focus. i have been given the gift of time and i need to begin to use it more wisely.
now if i could just get off this damn computer!