Tuesday, December 05, 2006

santa came to town last night thanks to the local first aid squad. it was great ~ they pulled an ambulance all the way into the center of the complex's parking lot, which was pulling a sleigh w/2 lighted, animated reindeer & santa. johnny mathis's "sleigh ride" was playing. all the kids came out w/their parents ~ they sat up in the sleigh w/santa & had their pictures taken!

i've never lived anyplace that did more than drive santa around on a fire truck & sometimes he threw candy to anyone standing close enough & waved!

i ran back inside & got my camera & took some pics.

as i walked back to our porch, i started to cry. my daughter would've been 7 this coming thursday. the perfect age to enjoy all of this! she would've loved seeing santa like that!

the other day in walgreens, i started looking at the toys. i wanted to get something for a little girl to bring with us to the toys for tots drive this coming saturday & all the sudden i became overwhelmed with sadness in my chest. so painful it took my breath away. i asked her what she'd like for christmas out of those toys. i picked a tea set, a magnetic drawing board (sort of like an etcha-sketch) and a cinderella purse set w/sun glasses and plastic lip stick & eye shadow.

today i'm kindof hovering in sadness. having my 'monthly visitor' isn't helping me either. thursday i'm going to light a candle for her in church. i do that every year on the day i lost her and on the day her birthday would've been. as much as i adore and love my husband, sometimes i feel as though i'm counting the days until i can be with her. i only hope & pray god will let me in to see her.

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