Monday, January 15, 2007

what the hell is wrong with me?! aka: self analysis time!

it's 2pm already. i've just loaded the dish washer. there are still more dishes to do. the spare room (aka the cats room) needs to be vacuumed and wiped down. there are oodles of christmas decorations that need to be taken down from around the house and boxed. not to mention that i've got to exercise, 3 classes to do reading and exams for, writing & reading for personal reasons, i've got to get ready to go food shopping w/hubby after he gets home at 3:40pm...

i'll sleep in, call my mom, watch tv, whatever... all to essentially avoid doing anything. but why?! this is how my every day goes. so much to do, so much i want to do and by the time i go to sleep, i'll have done next to nothing and have still more to do tommorrow.

i hate when hubby asks me "so what did you do today?" ~ i'm ashamed that this is how i spend my time. or waste it, i should say. he has such faith in me, such belief in me. he sees so much in me, more than i ever could or do. he's not asking in a way to accuse me of doing nothing constructive, he's asking because he's genuinely interested, though i immediately react & take it like the wrong way.

i've written about this before, here and in my journals. i hate that my history is repeating myself and i feel like such a pathetic loser.

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