Friday, February 23, 2007

"you can help those who don't want to help themselves..."

i just finished spending the day with my mother. as i write this, i'm wolfing down 2 caramel chocolates, a devil's food twinkie and a glass of iced tea. NEED I SAY MORE?!?!?!?!?!

anyway, it's such a long story, i don't know how to make it short! i/we wanted my mother to live closer to us. i was very unsure of having her live in the same complex as me given how the over 2 years went in the last complex we all lived in. i knew which full size 1 bedroom apartment she'd like in the complex we live in & run. but she chose a different one, a small 1 bedroom apartment. and she HATES it and the neighbors below her.

she moved in late may of '06. she hasn't bought a new bed and sleeps on a blowup one in the living room. she gave us her sectional couch because she wanted a new one and i only took it because she promised me she was going to buy one. never did. she got rid of her dining room table before moving because she wanted a new one. never bought one. 90% of what she moved into the apartment is still in boxes in the living room and mostly in her bedroom. she has 2 end chairs to sit on in the living room and she watches her 13inch tv that used to be in her bedroom because her 19inch tv is still boxed.

i've taken her furniture shopping, more than a half dozen times. i've sketched out designs for the layout of furniture in the living room and bedroom, the redoing one wall of her kitchen... i've taken her patio/deck furniture shopping more than a few times... i've shown her shows which feature people who live in WAY LESS square footage than she does (like 250, 265 & 550 square feet ~ she has about 600+ square feet plus a deck)...

i feel resposible for her misery. i wish i never suggested her moving here. i wish i'd never shown her the apartment she's in now and only showed her the other one. i wish she had trusted me enough to know her well enough to know which apartment she'd be happy in.

but i am so sick of hearing her complain about every little thing, over and over again. the apartment is too small. her stove burners don't lay flat. the street traffic is too noisy & when the trucks hit the bump in the street "the whole place shakes and the ceiling makes loud cracking noises and i wonder if the place is going to fall down on my head!" there's "4 adults living downstairs - 4 adults in a 1 bedroom duplex?! can you tell me what other apartment that size has that many adults living in it?!" when i tell her to tell hubby so he can do something about her complaints (because that's his job) she won't do it! he's told her to stop complaing to me and talk to him. she won't do it.

i had it out with her today when she started in on the place again. i told her to move. i told her i never wanted her in that apartment to begin with, she choose it and i am sick of hearing about it. i've tried and tried to help her and she does nothing. she hasn't done one thing to make it nice for herself so of course everything she dislikes about it is on the forefront of her mind! i told her it upsets me to no end that she's living like she is. i told her i don't know what to do anymore.

after she left, her voice ran through my mind: "you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves." she used to say that about my father when i was growing up and would ask about his drinking. i don't know how to help her. regardless, she won't let me. so what can i do?

No comments: