Saturday, November 17, 2007

regret, embarrasment, fear...

not sure how this will come out ~ the font & text color options are missing from my new post page here.

last night hubby & i went to the local watering hole for some drinks before dinner. the problem is that when we've done this BEFORE dinner on a few occassions, some drinks turns into more than either one of us can usually remember, we never end up eating dinner, etc.. but last night i was going shots of 'washington apple' ~ i very, very rarely do shots. i started slowing way down with the drinks around 11:30pm to make sure 1 of us would be able to drive home. i wanted to get the chinese food menu from our friend who was bartending but she had way too much to drink & wouldn't give them to me. i think getting annoyed started sobering me up more than anything. that & when hubby told me he had to go next door to the atm for more cash. for crissakes we'd had $100 on us when we walked in! we also had at least 5 or 6 comp drinks each, so how in god's name did we blow that $100?! we can't afford to blow that kind of money! unfortunately, i doubt our friend who was bartending was able to run the register very well given how sloshed she was and i think we paid the price for it, literally. (regret...)

around 4am i woke with a HORRIBLE headache & having to pee. when i laid back down in bed, my heart started racing, i felt like i was burning up and i was a bit queasy. i've never had a hang over in my life. yes there were times i'd had a bit much to drink but i never woke the next morning feeling anything other than very tired. 32 years to get my 1st hangover. lovely. then i thought of my daughter, watching me from above in heaven, getting sloshed like that last night and i said to myself that i promised myself i was going to make her proud of me ~ what a way to not keep that promise. (embarrasment...)

once i felt better today, i not only panicked about that $100 we blew, i was freaked out about us drinking like that and i'm not sure why. it was scaring me. maybe because hubby said last night that we were having the kind of friday night he had before we met when he'd just drink all night & forget about dinner. (fear...)

when we were fixing the blankets before bed tonight, i heard a rattle, like a toy. i said to him "did you hear that? it was like a jingle bell or rattle! where could that come from?" a little while later as i was getting into bed, i saw in the corner the small white christmas beanie bear that i'd bought for my daughter last year. my eyes nearly popped out of my head because i remembered it had a rattle in it! i picked it up and shook it. hubby looked at me. i said "that's the noise i heard before!" and i started to cry ~ the bear couldn't make that noise on its' own! it has to be shaken! i take it as a sign from my brianna ~ it helped ease my pain.

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