as i sit here typing this by our bedroom window, a few rumbles of thunder have sounded off in the distance, the balmy air is kicking up into a breeze and rain has begun to fall again. there was thunder early this morning too, while i slept, it woke me just enough.
we're at an odd spot here for weather ~ the bay only a mile or 2 behind us and the ocean to its' right, only a few miles to our side, (though it's really all the same water, isn't it?!). we've been here just over 2 years and most of the time i still cannot tell in which direction the clouds are really moving! much of the time, storms circle over head because of those bodies of water and out front, seem to be going this way and out back, seem to be going that way!
i have wanted to write about what i want to do with 2008 for some time, but i've been finding it very difficult to translate what i'm feeling into concrete, specific words that don't sound hokey (to me!)! i can tell you that these feelings i have been having are strong, confident and not fleeting ~ they have been the exact opposite in the past.
i have said before that i have been given the gift of time, but i don't feel that i've used it wisely or even at all, especially in 2007, a year that i feel that i wasted in so many ways. i have been aimless and drifting, using the uncertainty of my social security disability process and assorted health & emotional obstacles to justify not making more of an effort.
i am not going to belittle myself or beat myself up though. what's done (or not done!) is in the past and that's ok! not much, if anything at all, can be done about the past and that's ok as well! i am looking forward ~ plenty can be done about the 'here & now' and the furture!
i will tell you that i've always had a problem with budgeting and managing time ~ i just don't know how! but i am right now in the process of trying to figure out exactly what i want & need to do each day and then i'm going to learn how to come up with some sort of schedule that fits me, as well as fits the collective needs of myself and hubby! time management just isn't a cut & dry, one size fits all kind of thing!
this year, i want to and need to focus on becoming me, becoming whom i've always known i am supposed to be! i'm not entirely sure on the specifics yet, to be honest, but that doesn't scare me this time around!
more to come ~ stay tuned!