Thurs 8/28/08 10:49pm
I'm feeling very lacking, stuck, stifled, defensive, restless, boring, can’t breathe, frustrated, tired of struggling, distracted, average, exhausted, stung, beaten, pointless, anything but independent, angry, guilty, restless, defeated, hurt, boxed in, choked, insignificant, overwhelmed, stiff, inferior, resentful, trapped, skittish, aimless, undermined, drifting, suffocated, hopeless, ungrounded, not confident, powerless, creatively constipated, unfocused, clueless, worthless, no grasp on time… I don’t feel like a person, like a whole human being. I feel hugely inadequate and put down.
I want to feel and be unique, creative, strong, sassy, confident, accomplished, together… Someone people gravitate towards! Awesome to be around!
Friday, September 05, 2008 2:13pm
I wrote the above the Sunday night before last, in bed, when I couldn’t sleep. While it’s a bit redundant, it’s what I’ve been feeling as of late. I don’t know what it is really. A BIG part of it has to do with my being stuck (again) in my writing (since our friends’ son passed away in July). Some of it has to do with the way Hubby has been making me feel (though it’s unintentional). Some of it has to do with the pressures of my Mom and worrying about her. If there’s anything else, I don’t really know! I can’t even read a book as of late! And I was so excited the week before last about going to MA! (Salem, Danvers and Concord). I still can’t wait to go but I feel like it’s buried!
If my life as it is now is all that it’s supposed to be, that’s fine, I just wish I knew for sure!