Went to my 'every 6 weeks' follow-up doctor's appointment with my Rheumologist yesterday morning. Apparently my heart palpitations/racing (not often, though enough to be noticeable), vision issues (blurriness and discomfort) and muscle cramps (too often & not dehydration) are "disease progression." Not exactly music to my ears I can tell you that much.
We discussed my pain & swelling levels (back on the rise through the last 2 iv treatments) and agreed that my iv med should be increased from 400mg every 8 weeks to 500mg every 8 weeks. (This brings me closer to the area of 800mg, which Dr. A feels would be the max dose for me, and the fact that I'm getting closer to that mark scares me).
One good thing to note, my blood pressure was "normal" for (at least) the 3rd follow-up in row and without meds, so at least that's one less thing for me to worry about (though it's like a needle in a hay stack really).
I'm always on the verge of tears after a follow-up like this, for most of the rest of the day until I get used to the idea so to speak. Makes me think and gives me pause. And scares me to my core. I was thinking last night about how I need to accomplish as much as I can so if we have children and anything happens to me, Vic can tell them I kept trying no matter what I faced. Then I started questioning, again, having children.
I also got very annoyed, no ANGRY, that when I shared all of the above, it was met with nothing. No supportive words, of love or encouragement. No (((hugs))), real or otherwise. Not even the sound of crickets. Made me question why I don't start treating people the same way. But, that would make me an asshole, something I am not.
Moving on: I wanted to share part of a comment I left for a fellow blogger earlier this morning: "Weight has been an issue and struggle in my life, during my youth and for the last 4 years, within a year of being seriously injured at work and an extremely complicated recovery. It's taken me a year and a half to lose 25 lbs of the weight I gained and while I've hit another proverbial wall, I'm not giving up. I don't want to be the weight I was before I gained, (at my age now, I'd look ill) though I am aiming to weigh at least 25lbs less than I do now.
My overall goal is to be healthy, as healthy as I can possibly be, regardless of size. I have a disease called Psoriatic Arthritis which complicates this goal and it's progressing, but I cannot afford to give up. (Please remind me of this if need be, lol!) Losing that 25lbs brought my blood pressure back down to normal and without meds! I can't diet, per say, because of my health, nor can I exercise consistently, but, I watch what I eat (especially watch for sodium and high fructose corn syrup), get moving when I'm able and take vitamins. (I am a firm believer in the power of Vitamin D, among others).
I think the best thing peeps can do for themselves is to aim to be healthy and accept whatever size we are when we're healthiest."
I believe this new outlook of mine is coming from acceptance. I changed my profile pic(s) to a current photo, taken while we were in PA last week. It's the only recent photo of me that doesn't make me cringe and I feel it's time to accept how I look now. (As you know, I've had a very difficult time with how my weight gain has changed my facial features).
Coming tomorrow: My Honest Scrap.