Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Winter: A Living With Disease, The Joy Oh Home and A Writers Journal post

Hello friends!

I can hardly believe it's been a little over two weeks since my last post. Where does the time go anymore?

Mother Nature has decided to give is a true Northeast Winter this season, our first (mostly) normal Winter in about a decade. The Midwest and even the South are getting slammed with harsh extremes though and my thoughts & prayers are with them. As I write this, a trio of state plows are rumbling by, rattling the windows & vibrating the floor, clearing away & salting last nights dusting. (Our section of the road is part of a residential U-turn for the state highway we're just off of. Local plows don't touch this area). I don't mind the (bitter, frigid) cold outside, but it's been too chilly for me indoors until the day before yesterday. Whatever adjustment Hubbs made to the boilers is working, yay!

With this our first cold & snowy Winter in so long, seeing the beauty of it has made my heart sing with joy! Hubbs has been taking the long way home when we're out so I won't feel like I'm missing it all.

Lots of nesting going on here lately at The Portable Homestead! (For me that is, Hubbs has been doing lots of snow removal, salting and apartment reno's, in addition to his full time job which called him back early from his seasonal layoff - another story for another time). How the spare room (aka my writing room, aka the treadmilling room, aka the guest room) always ends up being "the catch-all room," despite my best efforts, is beyond me. But, I'm making a lot of progress this Winter and since doing so, I've been fighting the urge to hibernate in that lovely little room on a daily basis!'

On January 13th, I had my first IV session since October 28th (delays due to the never-ending upper respiratory infection I had from Halloween through Christmas) and I swear I've felt no better than I did before it. I'm always worn out for a few days to a week after an IV session, which varies from being more tired than my usual daily fatigue to overwhelming down to my bones exhaustion as if I have a horrendous case of the flu. The day after the IV I was tired, but by weeks end was exhausted. Then either my sinuses or my migraines (or both) kicked in along with that exhaustion and this last week has been downright awful. My sinuses/migraines have been working on me day in & day out. My hands have been flaring up too, painful, stiff and swollen. RA playing tricks on me? The weather? (I'm sensitive to weather changes). Sinus infection? Who knows! I'm dealing as best as I can.

As of this Sunday, I started posting Daily Round-Ups on Through My Eyes 360, posting my favorite photos I've taken in a given day. I hope you'll drop by for a look!

I have felt such disconnect from my writing these last couple of months, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. (One reason though may be caring for my passing kitty Ceasar through New Years and then his passing on 1/2. The well runs dry now every time I go through a crisis). This 'block' feels differently than others have in the past and it's been deeply upsetting. And scary. (Understatement). I prayed aloud on the 17th and a January thaw of sorts followed and lasted for four days. The relief, gratitude and excitement I felt was incredible! I could breathe again. Writing, researching and taking notes like mad! And then it stopped. Completely. (My chest is tight again as I write this). Now I realize having a sinus/migraine combo hacking away at my head and constantly making me nauseous isn't exactly conducive to writing. (And neither is the distraction of an iPhone, by the way). I get that! But, what the...? On the 24th, after an awful, entire day of being unable to write a single word, in tears, I prayed aloud again. (More specifically, I had what I like to call a 'come to Jesus meeting'). Saturday night I was able to write a few lines in my journal which I turned into a short piece on Monday. But, that's it. And I am afraid.

It's one thing if other hopes and dreams don't come true. I realized last week that our dream of living essentially in the middle of nowhere in the country isn't possible for me because of my health. In fact, unless we happen to win the big lottery and therefore can afford help, it's completely unrealistic for someone like myself with my limitations and illnesses to not live in town as we do now and as I have for much of my life. (Heck, even living in the 'burbs isn't a good idea for me - tried that and despite living there for 12 years, it didn't work out well overall).

But, if my lifelong writing hopes and dreams don't come true... Especially with my 40th year looming in a little under 16 months.  Now that's another thing altogether. I'm not ready to give up or concede defeat yet. I don't know what the problem is. I don't know what my problem is! But, like with my health, I'm dealing as best I can.

And that's all we can do, right?

How is Winter treating you so far? Share with me below!    


Jennifer said...

I love your writing Jo! Your blog posts are always sweet little tidbits to read every now and then. We've had a particularly brutal winter, daily lows of -40, so we are coping! Painting my room is cheering up the dark dreary days!

Jo said...

Aw, thank you Jennifer! When I talk about my writing in a post like this, it's about my fiction writing. Apologies for not being more clear on that!

What color did you finally decide to do your room in?